Love??

In terms of mature relationships and love, most of the times, people fail to distinguish between the true meaning of love and lust...

Every Cinderella longs to find her Prince Charming and live happily ever after. We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Our emotions get magnified, senses get heightened, and we are flying in seventh heaven. It may only last a moment, an hour, a day, but that doesn't diminish its value....

But are you sure it’s love that we are talking about?

Why do independent, smart women become emotional wrecks after a romantic break-up? Why do older men gravitate towards younger women? Could it be estrogen and testosterone hormones that addict us to our lovers? In terms of mature relationships and love, most of the times, people fail to distinguish between the true meaning of love and lust.

Have you ever been swept off your feet by a man/woman standing next to you in a queue? Is it merely infatuation, a strong shot of chemistry, or budding love - the real thing? Is Cupid playing a prank or bringing you true love forever?

Love at first sight is not believable. Love takes time. Lust at first sight sounds much more accurate. A study done by testing the blood samples of twenty couples, who claimed to be madly in love for less than six months, revealed that serotonin levels of new lovers were equivalent to the low serotonin levels of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder patients.

It's hard to tell if you are in love because there’re no set defining characteristics of love. The dictionary says it's "a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection" or "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." What exactly is this feeling or attraction?

The question evoked the thought process of Paramita Roy, a fashion designer; she was surprised that she had never thought of this aspect of her relationship before. After much silence she concluded, "Emotions are not sufficient to suggest whether a relationship is that of love, no matter how strong the attraction may be." Sadly, there is not much awareness to distinguish between lust and love and that is why we have so many emotional and social problems.

Since time immemorial we are hearing that love is blind. But that’s a mistake; real love is not blind. Quite the opposite, it is a relationship in full awareness. Over time, through good communication and wisdom, you can start knowing your partner. Gradually, you become aware of his/her flaws and try to work your differences in a healthy way.

Lust, on the other hand, could be perceived as being "blind" as it usually distorts reality, especially when you're so involved that you don’t care to find out the real persona of your partner. According to Shruti Bhatia, a psychologist, we often idolize our partners, magnify their virtues and find a way to explain their flaws. This basically happens because many movies, books and songs paint an unrealistic portrait of love, which further builds a false perception of love in our minds.

When Sameer Nagpal, a commercial pilot by profession, was asked whether his six-year-old relationship was based on love or lust, he was quick to reply, "Love is full of sacrifices, trust and respect whereas lust is built on physical attraction, fun and thrills. Real love is commitment. I cannot categorize my relationship as a short sensational affair of love is in the air."

Do some real soul searching today and identify your relationship. If you're in a relationship which does not have fondness, respect, affection, devotion along with passion, it would be wise to back off. Or else, one day those wonderful romantic feelings will be gone and you will wonder what happened to your perfect romance. Accept the fact that you or your partner is not ready for commitment. After all, commitment is a choice which is backed up with actions and maturity.

Source: The Times of India

Fear of Public Speaking

It is said that public speaking is the thing people fear the most, yet sooner or later most people will have to speak in front of a group at work. Whether training new employees, giving a presentation to management or even conducting an interview, being an effective speaker can help you get ahead at work.

Consider this:
At any public speaking event, each participent gives a speech and is evaluated by audience. Some speakers do a lot of research for their speeches, while others focus less on the research and more on their delivery. Over the years the audiences have been consistent in their evaluations.

So, who do you think rates higher?
A. A speaker with fabulous information and so-so delivery
B. A speaker with fabulous delivery and so-so information

The answer is "B." Of course, the ideal situation is to have both fabulous information and fabulous delivery but, for many audiences, delivery is the most critical factor. Poor delivery can make the most interesting topic sound boring, while excellent delivery can make even a dull topic come alive.

Here are four traits of successful speakers, followed by a number of ways you can develop these traits.

Confidence:

Good speakers may sometimes feel nervous, but they try not to let it show. Speakers look and sound more confident when they make eye contact with the audience, move naturally, use audiovisual equipment effectively and speak fluidly (avoiding too many "uhs" and "ums").

Credibility:

This is an audience's perception of how believable a speaker is. To be credible, a speaker must be seen as someone who is knowledgeable about the topic. However, this does not mean someone who is a "know-it-all."

Enthusiasm:

Magnetic speakers are enthusiastic about their topic, and they share that fervor with their audience through variety and energy in their voice, gestures, and body movements. Other terms that can be applied to these speakers are "high energy" and "passionate."

Ease:

Natural speakers don't lecture, they are at ease. Even when speaking in front of an audience of hundreds, they speak as if they were having a conversation with a group of friends. Other terms that may be applied to these speakers are "real" or "down-to-earth."


Ways to Improve Your Skills

• As with any skill, one of the best ways to improve is by just doing it. With speaking, this means getting yourself in front of as many audiences as possible.
• When there are opportunities for informal speaking at work -- such as introducing a new employee, volunteer for the job.
• If you're presenting a training program at work, make sure you ask audience members to give you feedback by filling out an evaluation form.
• When possible, consider taping yourself practicing or giving presentations.
• You can then see or hear for yourself the areas where you may need to improve.